The One with Alfie's Aunty

I’ll start by introducing myself. I’m Cats sister Becks, or Aunty Pakka as Alfie used to call me. Apparently to a 2 year old boy, I look like a cuddly maggot-like creature with an obsession for washing faces and stones.

Cat asked me if I wanted to write a guest post on here this month, to put a different perspective on things. Now I’m not the best writer in the world and sometimes I will waffle to get my point across, but I feel completely honoured to be able to do this. It may have taken several edits, numerous lattes and 5 packs of mini Haribo Starmix, but if it raises an ounce of awareness and reaches out to more people, then I’m all up for that too. I’m not going to pretend that I know everything about Ichthyosis. I don’t. I have however made a conscious effort to read and watch as much as I can to help me understand more about the condition. At times, I have friends or family who will ask about Alfie and his skin, and I want to be able to share my knowledge and educate as much as I can.

I remember the day that Alfie was born like it was yesterday. Mum told me that he had a small patch of raw skin on his tummy, but that everything was ok. I then went to work with that warm, fuzzy feeling knowing that I was an Aunty. I wanted to tell everyone! 

After it became apparent that maybe things weren’t ok, I dropped everything that I was doing. Not only did I want to meet the little man, but I also wanted to support my family. If I’m honest, the finer details are a bit blurry, but I still clearly remember walking into the neonatal unit in the hospital to see Cat sitting next to Alfie in the incubator, and feeling such a mix of emotion. I was over the moon and my heart could explode with happiness for having a nephew – Alfie had stolen my heart from the very first moment that I set eyes on him. But there was a huge part of me that was hurting so much for the situation that my family were now in.  

Over the few years before Alfie arrived, life had been pretty terrible at times, and this felt like another unlucky pack of cards which had just been dealt. On receipt of having a bad hand of cards, what are your options? You can give up because you don’t think you can win the game. Or you can drive forwards with pure determination to be a winner. The first option is possibly easier, but the second is where I see my sister and her family, and I just hope that I’ve been able to support them through the challenges that they’ve faced along the way, just how they’ve supported me in the past. They’ve really taken the bull by its horns, and are doing a fantastic job.

In my role as Alfie’s Aunty (and now Rene’s), I wanted to be the ‘go-to’ for my sister whether it be to share a funny story about the kids, or during tougher times. I wanted to be that free babysitter (the fun type), and their confidant. This role would be the same with or without an Ichthyosis diagnosis. As Cat has already posted on the blog, there have been some really tough times for her and Lee, and of course this has had an impact on the rest of the family. After all, nobody wants to see their loved ones struggling, and being on the periphery can be hard when you feel useless and unable to help. At times this is how I’ve felt. I have wanted to do so much to help, and I’d do anything for that little champ.  I’m so glad that they have found the Ichthyosis community and ISG, and I’m also very thankful to them for helping them in ways that I possibly can’t. 

To date, I haven’t fulfilled my babysitting duties as much as I’d have like to. However I do absolutely adore spending time with Alfie and Rene, and seeing them develop into little people. The first time that I looked after Alfie was probably when he was about 18 months old. Cat dropped him off, and ran down the instructions for his skin regime with me. I felt comfortable with this, and happy that my sister trusted me. Having had a child of my own since, I now realise how difficult it is to leave your child with someone for the first time (and second, third and fourth if I’m being brutally honest!). The minute Cat set off down the drive was the moment that the realisation of being solely responsible for a little person kicked in. WTF.  What happens when he needs a nappy change, or when he needs feeding!? Sh*t. I had spent so much time thinking about what I’d need to do with Alfie’s skin that I had forgotten about the essentials. Anyway, I quickly got over that and took Alfie to the park, met friends for a picnic and I’m going to speak for Alfie here, but we had lots of fun. Its times like this when I feel helpful, and relish the opportunity to spoil and look after my nephew.

I know it’s a cliché but I do believe that these challenges are thrown at us to make us stronger. I also believe that many people would crumble and fall apart. But Cat, Lee and Alfie are some of the strongest and most definitely the bravest people I know. The love that they have for each other, and the determination to raise happy children is admirable. Alfie is turning into such a kind-hearted, handsome and hilariously funny boy. He’s the only child that I know who:

- likes to dress up (like Mr T from the A-Team) with ALL of the costume jewellery he can lay his hands on;

- will dance to MC Hammer on loop;

- wants to snack on cheese & biscuits at bedtime despite already having a huge meal (just like Papa); and

- will sing along to Bastille’s “Good Grief”. With actions.

He has so much charm and heaps of personality, all credit to his parents and family. In my eyes, it’s not the Ichthyosis that defines him. It’s his little eccentricities and charisma. I know I may be biased. Actually, who cares if I am – this boy is a superstar and his parents are heroes.  Alfie has one wise head on top of those shoulders. He has been through so much, things that a baby, toddler and threenager shouldn’t have to go through. And yet he doesn’t seem to let this phase him. Alfie gets on with his life, and could probably teach me a lesson or two on that subject.